Today was not a good day....

So I couldn't wake up this morning... felt so tired. I always seem to be tired. That is something I hope will at least lessen as I lose weight. I was laying here in my bed, watching t.v. when I come across a show about this "Half-ton Mom"... a woman weighing over 800 pounds had to be cut out of her house and taken to a hospital to get gastric bypass surgery. The amount of effort and skill it took to accomodate someone her size was amazing. And yes, they showed the surgery on camera. (ewwww so doesn't cover it) What was amazing was that she made it through the surgery fine, and had started to lose weight in the the three weeks she was still in the hospital. She lost like 60 pounds in 3 weeks! So crazy... then it hits the tragic. Almost a month into recovery, she has a heart attack and dies! I seriously think I stopped breathing, it freaked me out so much. I know I don't weigh over 800 pounds, and I know I don't have heart issues, and I KNOW that it is a miniscule chance of happening to me, but I still am freaked. I never thought death was really a risk. I want to be smaller and healthier, but I want to live more. So, I ask myself again, is this worth the risk? After talking to my dad, I still believe so. But the glow has lessened on the whole excitement level, because now it is becoming real. All I was hearing was the great recommendations, and now I got myself a real reality check. I've never been put under with anesthesia, never had any kind of surgery, not even dental work! I don't know what to expect, but I will cross my fingers and hope for the best!

September 14, 2011

The days are counting down slowly to me it seems. All payments are done, and now it's a wait and prepare game. Starting to buy the foods, and by that I mean liquids, lol, that I will be able to eat after surgery, and stocking up on vitamin supplements. It's all to make sure I stay healthy. I am not scared, I am not scared..... I am nervous. Yeah, nervous is a good word.

September 9, 2011

So I decided to do this blog to keep track of my journey through this from pre-op to hopefully, in a year from now, a healthier, trimmer ME!!! I cannot begin to describe how excited I am. I know people are all worried for me, but I know, deep down, this is the right track for me. I find myself, daily, wanting to run up to people and tell them my plans. The only thing stopping me is the fear of being arrested for harrassment. I want so badly to have this change my life. I have always been the chubby one, the bigger friend, the "you have such a pretty face" girl. I want to feel as pretty on the outside as I feel on the inside. I want that bubbly glow to shine through, even more than it does now. I want, so desperately to be able to go shopping with friends, and actually be able to shop, not just watch them do it. I love my friends, and they are super supportive, but I don't think, with the exception of one special person, they really understand what it's like to be me. She does, and she knows who she is.She is who I owe so much to, and always will be in debt to. I want to be the girl, just one time in my life, that gets the second look from a guy as I walk by.... here's hoping it happens!! So, kind readers, be prepared. I plan to be brutally honest on here, and tell you all; good, bad & ugly. I am going to post pics often so you can share my journey. It may not always be fun, but I am super committed and again SO EXCITED!!!!