Today was not a good day....

So I couldn't wake up this morning... felt so tired. I always seem to be tired. That is something I hope will at least lessen as I lose weight. I was laying here in my bed, watching t.v. when I come across a show about this "Half-ton Mom"... a woman weighing over 800 pounds had to be cut out of her house and taken to a hospital to get gastric bypass surgery. The amount of effort and skill it took to accomodate someone her size was amazing. And yes, they showed the surgery on camera. (ewwww so doesn't cover it) What was amazing was that she made it through the surgery fine, and had started to lose weight in the the three weeks she was still in the hospital. She lost like 60 pounds in 3 weeks! So crazy... then it hits the tragic. Almost a month into recovery, she has a heart attack and dies! I seriously think I stopped breathing, it freaked me out so much. I know I don't weigh over 800 pounds, and I know I don't have heart issues, and I KNOW that it is a miniscule chance of happening to me, but I still am freaked. I never thought death was really a risk. I want to be smaller and healthier, but I want to live more. So, I ask myself again, is this worth the risk? After talking to my dad, I still believe so. But the glow has lessened on the whole excitement level, because now it is becoming real. All I was hearing was the great recommendations, and now I got myself a real reality check. I've never been put under with anesthesia, never had any kind of surgery, not even dental work! I don't know what to expect, but I will cross my fingers and hope for the best!